Treatment GuideJust DiagnosedSex & DatingAfrican AmericanStigmaAsk the HIV DocPrEP En EspañolNewsVoicesPrint IssueVideoOut 100
CONTACTCAREER OPPORTUNITIESADVERTISE WITH USPRIVACY POLICYPRIVACY PREFERENCESTERMS OF USELEGAL NOTICE
© 2024 Pride Publishing Inc.
All Rights reserved
All Rights reserved
By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Private Policy and Terms of Use.
Did you ever feel left out when you were a kid ' like when your two best friends decided that three was a crowd and pushed you to the sidelines? Have you ever felt the same way as an adult? Maybe some of your coworkers sneak off to have lunch without you, or you find out about a party you didn't get invited to? Most likely, you didn't feel a whole lot different as an adult than you felt as a child: hurt, annoyed, confused, disrespected. No matter how independent we human beings try to be, we all need friends, and we are reminded of this when we feel like friendship is going on around us but we aren't included. And sometimes coping with other challenges, like living with HIV, can leave us feeling even more sensitive when we feel disrespected or ignored by others. It's not unusual to feel a little jealous of the stress-free companionship that others seem to be enjoying. If you have ever experienced rejection ' and who hasn't? ' here are some ideas to help you keep your perspective. >Accept your feelings. When it seems that someone has wounded us, memories of past rejection can come up, along with a lot of uncomfortable feelings. While you may be tempted to tell yourself that you are an adult now, this doesn't make the feeling go away. Don't deny your emotions. Pain can lead to growth. >Look at things from another angle. Chemistry, even among friends, is unpredictable. Sometimes people just connect, through common interests or their outlook on life. Just because they want to spend time together doesn't mean there is something wrong with you or that you're not likable. It just is. >Get your information straight. We're all human. We get in bad moods. We become preoccupied. We forget people around us. That person you thought was your friend yesterday ' but who seems to look through you today ' may just be having a bad day. And you might be having one of those days when you feel especially sensitive. Don't make assumptions and push your friends out of your life without knowing why, or if, they have had a change in attitude. Their bad day may be coinciding with yours. >Take a look at what's missing in your life. One reason for feeling envious of someone else is that we see them enjoying something that we don't have enough of in our life ' like personal relationships. Do you feel like you have a support system in place with people who care about you, and whom you care about? The envy you feel toward others who seem to have more fun together may actually be about the lack of support in your life. Maybe it's time to expand your network of friends. >But also take a look at who's on your team. Before you pronounce the cup as half empty, take an inventory of the people in your life that you really care about and who care about you ' friends, family, anybody else that you count on to be there when you need them. Have you spent enough time with them lately? >Take the first step. Pick someone from your list and give her or him a call. Find out how that person is doing. Make plans to get together. Somebody out there is waiting for you to make a move. McClain is a licensed counselor in New York City with a speciality in coping with chronic and life-threatening health conditions. His books include The Complete Idiot's Guide to Breaking Bad Habits and Empowering Your Life With Joy, and he is a frequent contributor to health-related publications. He is also on the board of directors of Miracle House, a nonprofit that serves patients and caregivers who are visiting New York City for HIV or cancer treatment. He welcomes e-mail.
From our Sponsors
Most Popular
The science behind U=U has been liberating people with HIV for years
June 04 2024 3:31 PM
As Pride party season begins, the CDC urges mpox vaccinations
May 16 2024 6:52 PM
Exclusive: We kiki with Q from 'RuPaul's Drag Race'
June 24 2024 11:37 AM
The freedom of disclosure: David Anzuelo's journey through HIV, art, and advocacy
August 02 2024 12:21 PM
The Talk: Thriving with HIV
May 08 2024 10:45 AM
The Talk: What HIV isn’t
May 07 2024 10:48 AM
Activist and philanthropist Bruce Bastian dies at 76
June 26 2024 1:28 PM
In honor of Juneteenth 2024, meet The Normal Anomaly
June 19 2024 1:39 PM
Plus: Featured Video
Latest Stories
AIDS/LifeCycle is ending after more than 30 years
October 17 2024 12:40 PM
Twice-yearly injectable lenacapavir, an HIV-prevention drug, reduces risk by 96%
October 15 2024 5:03 PM
How fitness coach Tyriek Taylor reclaims his power from HIV with self-commitment
September 19 2024 12:00 PM
Out100 Honoree Tony Valenzuela thanks queer and trans communities for support in his HIV journey
September 18 2024 12:00 PM
Kentucky bans conversion therapy for youth as Gov. Andy Beshear signs 'monumental' order
September 18 2024 11:13 AM
Why activist Raif Derrazi thinks his HIV diagnosis is a gift
September 17 2024 12:00 PM
Creator and host Karl Schmid fights HIV stigma with knowledge
September 12 2024 12:03 PM
Study finds use of puberty blockers safe and reversible, countering anti-trans accusations
September 11 2024 1:11 PM
Latinx health tips / Consejos de salud para latinos (in English & en espanol)
September 10 2024 4:29 PM
The Trevor Project receives $5M grant to support LGBTQ+ youth mental health in rural Midwest (exclusive)
September 03 2024 9:30 AM
Introducing 'Health PLUS Wellness': The Latinx Issue!
August 30 2024 3:06 PM
La ciencia detrás de U=U ha estado liberando a las personas con VIH durante años
August 23 2024 2:48 PM
Tratamiento y prevención del VIH por inyección: Todo lo que necesita saber
August 23 2024 2:41 PM
Sr. Gay World quiere asegurarse de que estés bien
August 23 2024 2:30 PM
Eureka is taking a break from competing on 'Drag Race' following 'CVTW' elimination
August 20 2024 12:21 PM
With a new case in Sweden, what is the new mpox outbreak and should you be concerned?
August 15 2024 4:48 PM